A dream

2007-05-13T06:50:51Z

I had the idea to do a sort of flash back analyzation thing on Desirae concerning her modern day thoughts on her sire. While toying around with the idea I came upon some serious realizations as to her mental beliefs regarding the man who abandoned her (and she abandoned him) almost thirty years ago. It's amusing how sometimes, even Kindred find themselves pondering on things they'd never thought. When that happens, the results are often surprising. The following is for entertainment reason's only. Please do not take this knowledge ICly for any reason other then has been discussed with myself personally.

***

The sun had set at precisely 7:33pm, the time now was 7:45pm and Desirae sat looking at the clock without seeing anything. Her thoughts were back on what she’d just experienced…a dream.

Or had it been a dream? Do demons dream? She’d asked herself. Perhaps it had simply been her own thoughts forming images in her mind. Maybe she’d been awake the entire time and simply allowed herself to offer the pretense of sleep.

Flashes of images stippled their way over her mind, and she rolled over on her back hoping to block them. Still those same vividly clear memories stayed, playing out as they had in her sleep.

It was a bar, nothing particularly special about it. There was a bartender, rows of alcohol and several vacant stools. She’d slid up to the bar in a foul mood, ordered a double and found herself quickly being entertained by a man so large he seemed to dwarf the spotted amount of individuals there.

As they talked and drank, both seemed to find interests in other areas sparked. A kiss, a small taste of what was offered, and the invitation to retire to someplace quieter was extended. She’d taken his hand; sealing her fate in a wave of ecstasy…never knowing till it was far too late what trouble she’d thrown herself into.

Sex had followed. Sex she both craved and hated him for. Every individual she’d relented to since had only proven a point she realized long ago…he’d claimed her that night in more ways then just changing her. Michael had forever laid his imprint on her and she was his. It didn't stop her however, and sometimes she felt enjoyment in telling some individuals that they hadn't been her best, but it was doubtful they'd be the worst either.

Then he’d abandoned her when she chose to join the Invictus. As terrified as she’d been to return to him after a foolish mistake she’d made…it had been her covenant choice that had lead her to be completely alone. She'd been tossed away as easily as last weeks leftovers, and that knowledge even now continued to nag at her. There was a reason she didn't explain where she'd come from, who her sire had been and why she no longer communicated with him.

There had been several years she’d pondered if he cared how much that had hurt. Wondered if he had even considered what she’d suffered from the verbal claim that had hit her ears. Now, thirty years later he found himself wanting to make amends…and she hated him for that too. Or at least she’d of liked to believe so.

The harsh reality was slowly starting to creep in even as she fought to keep it hidden. She wanted to talk to him, to hold him, to know that he really did care for her as much as she did him.

Desirae shuddered at the thought struggling to maintain those mantra like words she’d perfected so well. He doesn’t care. He disowned you. He used you till he no longer had a need. She pulled back the sheets and sat up, looking about her room. Maybe he had disowned her, maybe there was no valid reason for her to respond to him, but...the thought cut off before she'd even let it come to a head. She'd respond as she'd said the night prior. But this evening was the gathering in Hamilton, and she'd have to focus on that and shove those foolish dreams to the side. After all, it had been just a dream...

Past Times Forgotten

2007-05-13T04:52:21Z

Welcome to Desirae's first mental glimpses into the mind! I started with this post mostly out of inspiration from the player of her sire. He sent an e-mail (listed in the message), and I decided to attempt this whole Live Journal thing in hopes of explaining exactly how she responded to the news within the safety of her own haven. The following is for entertainment reason's only. Please do not take this knowledge ICly for any reason other then has been discussed with myself personally.

***

Desirae sat behind her desk enjoying the quiet moment she had to herself. It was a common thing these nights sitting behind the glow of a computer screen and taking care of smaller business she couldn't otherwise attend to. Though truth be told she was still rather fond of the traditional means of a handwritten letter. It carried a note of something far more personal then a hastily typed e-mail.

Her clothes for the following evening were already being prepared, as were a multitude of other events that she was carefully monitoring. For the moment she was mildly entertaining herself with a game of internet backgammon while shifting through the handful of e-mails she'd pushed till the last.

There was one from Demidov, another from a man labeled as Michael Mattox, and a couple of others from local individuals she'd inquired about. Demidov's message was simple, just an update on the local handling's amongst the Russians. The other locals were much the same, nothing of severity. The last was the curious message from this Mister Mattox. The subject was entitled "Righting a wrong." It even carried the period at the end. In truth she imagined it to be some poor fool who'd found himself messing with the wrong individuals. Yet, the person was obviously smart enough to track a path that lead back to her. It was a curious thought and one she admitted (if only to herself) that it was troublesome.

Finally clicking on the message, she waited for it to load.

"Ariel,"

Her eyes paused on the name. While it wasn't completely unheard of for individuals to know her claimed middle name, it was a name she didn't often hand out. Slowly she continued reading.

"It has been far too long that we've been estranged. It's time I be a man and take responsibility for the mistake I made so long ago. Ariel, I was a fool to disown you for choosing your own path. I realize that now and would like you to come back to your family. You see, a great deal has happened since you left. I've discovered my real lineage. I am a Mattox, which makes you a Mattox. I would like you to come be a part of this family. I am still a member of Anya's family as well and both families would welcome you back with open arms.

I'm truly sorry for the things I said and did when you made your choice. Over 30 years later, I found myself considering joining the Invictus recently. I've grown up and learned a lot from my mistakes. Of all the mistakes I've made, I regret one the most. Now, I'm trying to fix that mistake. I'm begging you. Please contact me. Please, give an old fool a second chance at doing right by his daughter.

Sincerely
The Dark Wolf,
Michael Ian Alexander Macayle Mattox"

Her posture changed, seeming to gain a rigid edge as she stared at the screen. As much as she would have liked to of believed this was some joke. Believed that some ignorant individual had made the grave mistake of deciding to badger her with words as foolishly laid as these...there were two things that chilled her to her very core. "Ariel" and "Michael Ian Alexander Macayle" or as many folks had referred to him at least some thirty years ago, MIA.

Diserae read the letter once again, struggling to keep a calm edge. Part of her wanted to respond, while another simply nudged her to delete it. Reasoning explained to her however that if she simply ignored this beckoning there was a chance he knew where she was as well. If that thought was correct, who was to say he wouldn't come here and offer a more direct approach?

Responding with a letter herself seemed only fair and the soft hint of it being through e-mail presented itself as appropriate enough for her to seriously consider the idea. She would respond, but she'd take a day to let it sit, perhaps more so if things locally developed as she hoped. Yet she would not let the e-mail sit for too long, she'd be sure to send him something before he'd ponder a visit to her own city.

For the moment she had a game to get back to, one she hoped she hadn't gotten bumped from, and one she hoped wasn't ruined by the unsettling news of a past she'd have preferred to keep in the text of history.

Desirae Ariel Mattox

A dream

Past Times Forgotten